Grumpuss.

Published on by Laura Gabrielle Feasey

The monday musings of a crazy cat lady…

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Grumpuss.

I was watching The Simpsons. He strolls into the room and plants a squidgy bundle of sellotape and wrapping paper on the bed. I look up, eyebrow cocked, and he nods towards the parcel.

“Surprise.”

After unfolding the glitter-caked paper I am reminded of that moment in Sex and the City (yes I am a teenager of the noughties who was embroiled in the wonders of American cable sitcoms, bootleg jeans and RnB), when Trey brings home a cardboard baby for his wife, Charlotte, because they can’t conceive and he deems this an appropriate novelty substitution.

Inside the paper I find a cat. Not a real cat, but one stuffed with polyester and furnished with glossy plastic eyes that follow you to every corner of the room.

I am not saying we are ‘trying for a cat’. Unless you can call yearning after the endless snapshots of a Google image search for ‘Exotic Shorthair Kittens’ trying. But my boyfriend did bring home this cuddly toy grumpy cat because I am cat-broody and unfortunately, at this moment in time, without the real thing. Polyester and plastic will just have to do…

26 thoughts on “Grumpuss.”

      1. Oh my, and now I managed to offend your kid 😦 Please forgive me, I shall never again. Now I can see the cuteness of the kitty hidden under the flash-inflicted scary surface…

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  2. It’s the same way with me and dogs right now. Not allowed to get one so I have a stuffed one my ” chinese sister” our house guest for sometime, gave me. Nice story I like that you wrote something longer I’ve never seen you do that before 🙂

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  3. This post really left me smiling, you are very lucky to have such a thoughtful boyfriend, AND a grumpy cat toy! I mentioned perhaps getting a pet rat to my mother the other day, but I highly doubt a real or cuddly toy version will be making an appearance in our house at any point in the near future…

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    1. You’re right, I should remember that I am lucky even in the absence of a real life cat! I had a cuddly toy rat once, my aunt bought it for me as a joke because I’d had to fish a disgustingly oversized rat from her pool in Spain when I was looking after her house. It terrified me, but I think they are mostly a misunderstood breed… good luck in your quest to own one, living or otherwise 😀

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      1. I think the grumpy cat will make a great companion! That’s an incredible and very funny story and makes me think of one of those hook a duck things at a fairground gone terribly wrong…I think they are too, apparently they’re very clean and friendly! Thank you very much 😀

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      2. That’s exactly what it was like! I had a very long fishing net but even that didn’t put enough distance between me and it, but I was warned by my Uncle I had to remove it otherwise it would clog the filter… very traumatic as a teenager staying in a house alone. I’ve heard they’re actually very clean too… I’ve also heard you’re never more than a few meters from one in London, so if you’re ever looking to rescue one… haha

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      3. I can imagine the experience scarring you for life, especially if you hear a noise or scratching sound when in charge of looking after the house in the dark, and alone…I think I might keep a look out if I’m ever in London – maybe only in pet shop windows though!

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      4. Again you’re thinking in the right direction… they had a westie dog, who, in the middle of the night went mad at the door, and ran into the garden, which was pitch black as they live in the middle of the mountains, and she would not stop wailing. When I found the rat the next morning I thought perhaps the dog had smelled it, but at the time I thought I was about to be greeted by some strange (and unwelcome) Spanish wanderer…

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      5. haha, you have extremely enjoyable stories to tell, I think you should definitely post these on your blog!!

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  4. This was so funny! I am also looking to get a pretty kitty, but waiting til I get settled in my new apartment to do so. I asked for a kitten for Christmas and didn’t get one….my mom felt so bad she went out and bought me a kitten calendar as if to say that should suffice and hold me over til I get a real one hahaha so I know the feeling. Check out my blog if you get a chance 🙂
    https://itsdollydarling.wordpress.com
    -Dolly

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  5. This is hilarious and I can totally relate to you with the Sex and the City references. I am glad I stumbled upon your blog. I hope that someday your cat dreams come true.

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    1. He’s still as frown faced as ever. Perhaps they’re a match made in heaven. I’ve a veritable farmyard of inanimate animal souls to stifle with my attention in this place anyway, so I’m used to the motherly balancing act. (Can’t help but think how your comment might’ve looked to anyone that doesn’t have a clue what you’re talking about.)

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      1. Gorilla is probably still miffed he’s just a placeholder for when your better half ships the real thing from Congo for you.

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