Good evening my writing lions. It seems our little jar keeper has been watching me this week…
The word is ‘eye‘.
You have a week to craft your tales of ‘eye’, in 400 words or less. Remember to pingback to this post, include the tag ‘Literary Lion’ so we can find all your posts in the WP reader, and of course give me a shoutout on Instagram and twitter.
Here is my all-seeing tale…
Lunchtime.
It was burning my mouth much more than usual. Its flame whispered through the gaps above my gums and swam along the back of my tongue until it hit the tip of my oesophagus and stained my tonsils with its clinical tang.
I spat it out just as the tears threatened to spill over the lower rims of my eyes. I curled my lips as I stared into the mirror above the sink, ran my tongue over each enamel surface, smooth, white and stain free.
The bathroom cabinet reflected a similarly slick world through the window behind me. The sill sat below a frame of metallic towers, each shining a reflection of the next; infinite echoes of an endless cityscape of monochrome.
–
Karl was hovering by my desk once again. He had those dark brown eyes where the pupils bled into the irises so all you see is one enlarged orb of darkness flanked by bloodshot white either side. They pierced through the air and into my skull. I tried to divert my train of thought in case he was listening. I kept him in my peripheral as I stared at the cubicle behind me in the reflection of my computer screen. He moved his mouth like a fish several times before he decided to leave without saying a thing.
I was careful to check they weren’t watching before I opened the drawer. Their little servants were spying above my workstation. They would raise the alarm if they saw what was inside. I tentatively leaned down into my handbag, pulling the mass I had recovered from the side of the road earlier this morning. The feathers were still warm when I had picked it up then. Now they were cold and crisply matted with what was once the creature’s insides. One more subtle glance around me, and I thrust it into the drawer. The gluttonous lip smacks were muffled by the timber.
She would reward me for that in time.
Wow Laura. I creepy unexpected twist at the end. It’s kinda gleeful in a way. Love it.
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Thank you! Haha, it takes a certain kind of mind to find that gleeful… mine does too 😉
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Heehee!!
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Awesome post. Full of thrill and suspicion. Your narration is so great!
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Thank you! It’s quite different to my usual style, so that’s lovely to hear!
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Very unexpected ending, and the last line is dripping with creepy potential.
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I thought I’d experiment with a change of genre… I quite enjoyed entering a creepy mindset for a little while… 😉
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I’d certainly love to see more of your exploration in the realm of the creepy.
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I didn’t actually believe what I was reading, so I had to sleep on it and come back to it this morning. So creepy. What an amazing narrative. I love the descriptions of blood in the mouth. Very, very good read. Thanks for sharing.
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Haha, thank you! Although I hope you didn’t think about it too much whilst sleeping!
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Yes I did have odd dreams that night! 😂
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The ending is super-creepy, and there’s so many off-hand references to strangeness in here – love it!
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Thank you! And I’m glad you picked up on them, I definitely tried to hint at the weird situation throughout!
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Didn’t altogether understand why she had the dead bird in her desk. But good job was a creepy story!
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I read this and didn’t know how to respond. Kind of made me think of a cat being stuck in a person’s body. Very creepy, as the word seems to be, lol.
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Now there’s a story, in the cat being stuck in someone’s body… It might even be weirder than mine 😉
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Lol! That’s kinda how I felt most of my childhood.
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I like creepy and this fits the bill nicely. Lovely descriptive narrative!
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Thank you! I rather like creepy too 🙂
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Wow! Wicked Creepy! I love it! 🙂
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Thanks!
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Now am curious! What is she going to do with it? Great tale.
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I’m not sure I even know myself to be honest, but thank you!
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haha nice twist in the end but I couldn’t connect the two stories – on in the bathroom and other at your desk.
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I guess it was just a background setting and then a jump towards a situation… if it was a longer piece I probably would have made something more of the journey in between later on!
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it often happens when you being to write something and suddenly a new story pops up in your mind.
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Dark, ending in creepy! Good stuff.
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Thanks, it’s rather fun to write creepy-ily 😉
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i’m going to ease back unto writing with these, but it probably won’t be what you expect :D. Cheers – http://rfrmst.com/2015/08/16/can-you-see/
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That’s great news, I’m pleased you’re inspired to get back into writing. Looking forward to seeing more 🙂
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Thanks, glad to hear
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I have posted my response to “Eyes” and pingbacked it which is visible just above this comment.
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Wow! Definitely didn’t expect that ending! Great job! So glad I found you again after being off for awhile. Hope to join in soon with your weekly challenges.
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Thank you! It’s good to see you back, I hope you can join in too, I look forward to seeing your responses.
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Oh and there’s my pingback above this post – haha. I love technology 😉
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Love it all! the picture and then the tale! unexpected and captivating!
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Nice entry – first I’ve seen of a self portrait – Love it
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Thank you! And I much prefer that term to a ‘selfie’, makes it sound much more considered 🙂
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